The older I get, the fewer friends I seem to have.
OK, that’s not entirely true. I have tons of friends — but most of them are in LTRs, or are married, or have kids, or have moved away, etc. So, as a single 29-year-old, making plans to go to a concert or take a vacation or go to dinner is no longer as simple as polling my roommates to figure out who’s doing what for spring break, or walking across the street to ask my neighbors whether they’re down to go to a music festival with me in two days.
The only real chances I have to get together with friends take loads of planning. Like, yunno, weddings and bachelorette parties and whatnot. Finding friends who are free for international vacays, last-minute concerts, out-of-town weddings? It’s practically impossible.
I’ve spent a lot of time over the last few years not doing the things I really wanted to do because I was afraid of doing them alone. I’ve passed up concerts, weekend trips, street festivals — you name it. I spent years turning down the things I really wanted to do because I was so afraid of doing them by myself.
It wasn’t until this past September that I forced myself to get over that fear. I received an invitation to a wedding for a couple that I truly cared about, and going to their ceremony and reception outweighed any of the discomfort I knew I might experience by going without a date.
So, that wedding? It kind of sparked something new in me. Over the past few weeks, I’ve forced myself out of my comfort zone several times by going to events on my own that I wouldn’t have done in the past. Some were more fun than others, but I’m still glad I experienced all of them!
So, here they are.
1. I went to that wedding — where I knew nobody other than the bride and groom — by myself, without a plus-one.
And not only that? The ceremony and reception were both hosted at a remote rustic venue in northern Michigan with gasp NO CELLPHONE SERVICE. That’s right. I went to a wedding sans date and I couldn’t use my iPhone as a crutch.
But, know what? I had so much fun. The bride (one of my old roommates) and I went to the same college, so I ended up at a table full of other guests (couples and singles) that were my age. They all knew each other, but we had a ton in common and they were nice enough to include me in conversation. We drank, talked, joked and laughed. I had a good time, and it wasn’t awkward at all. Unfortunately I didn’t meet a hot British guy (the groom is a British ex-pat) but I don’t regret going to for a single second.
(PS: Congrats again, Elise and Paddy!)
Not only that, but I took time the day after the wedding to drive around northern Michigan by myself. I drove through foliage on country roads, went hiking and gave myself time to sit alone on a park bench in St. Ignace, reveling in the wonder of the Mackinac Bridge. It was a very powerful moment of solitude.
2. I hopped on a plane and took a vacation to Europe completely by myself.
I never thought this one would be taboo because people travel by themselves all the time. But, when I started telling people about my plans, a conversation like this would ensue:
“You’re going by yourself? Oh, is it a work trip?”
“Um, no. It’s for fun.”
“Oh, then who are you going with?”
“…I’m going by myself?”
“Oh! So you’re meeting up with friends?”
“Uh… no. I’m going by myself. For fun. Just me.”
…etc.
Earlier this summer, I spontaneously booked a round trip flight to Berlin on a whim, figuring I’d find someone to join me. But… nobody wanted to, and then I started freaking out. I considered just eating the cost but ended up talking myself into going alone.
I ended up having the absolute best time of my life, and now (ironically enough) I’m convinced I can actually never travel with people again!
When I first started talking up my solo trip to friends and family, I was actually kind of surprised by how many people seemed confused, worried or even sad when I mentioned I was taking an overseas vacation by myself! Maybe it’s because I stay in hostels so often that I’m a little more used to running into solo travelers, but I didn’t really think it was unusual until people started questioning my intentions!
3. I snagged a last-minute ticket and went to a concert by myself.
I am lucky enough to have two of Chicago’s most popular music venues practically in my backyard. In addition to spontaneously booking flights and working out the details later, one of my great skills is deciding I want to see an artist live in concert, Googling that artist, and promptly finding out they were either a. in Chicago the day before, or b. preparing to play in Chicago that evening. So, when I opened Spotify and realized LANY and Anna of the North would be playing at a venue a few blocks from my house the very next day, I said “fuck it” and bought myself a ticket for the show.
Of all the my little solo adventures as of late, this was probably the least fun thing I’ve done by myself. Don’t get me wrong — I enjoyed myself! I definitely don’t regret going and will probably continue to go to shows by myself to see the artists I really wanna see if I can’t find friends to join me, but of my three experiences? Concerts were definitely the least fun solo.
Anyway! Those are the three “taboo” things I’ve done solo in the past few weeks. I’m kicking myself for taking so long to get over my fear of doing things alone, because I definitely don’t regret experiencing any of these things, and wish I’d done them all sooner.
